vents and surrenders

typewriter

“We’ll talk soon.” was his only text reply to my full-screen of texted verbiage. Rocket Man knows me well. He knows I am fluent in the language of Emoticon and he knows a visual vent of faces is secondary in urgency to multiple screens of syllables and exclamation points. He also knows I will likely be fine once the day is surrendered at sunset.

I am in a phase of gathering. In the midst of bitchy blurts, incomplete projects and multiple unknowns.

“Well, there is a woman who comes in here regularly who swears by it!” the clerk explained as she handed me a package of 95% natural facial serum, “clinically proven to restore and repair age-damaged skin in just seven days” and give me “superhero skin.” This is another manifestation of venting for me: Seeking out all-natural products to defy a natural process.

I am in a season of noticing. In the midst of physical reminders of how many birthdays I have celebrated.

“The difference is when you speak something new, you are at the beginning; when I speak something new, I have already decided it.” Her words reminding me: my process is not my procrastination; everything counts, everything holds value.

I am in a season of solitude and reflection. In the midst of knowing my strength is a collage of my weaknesses.

To let go of something is when hope begins. -Anne Lamott

I am letting go of my self-editing. For today.

I am woman with flashes of information and inspiration. The posts I have sat down to write for Secret Rebel Club have been fragmented. I forget what I said in whispered inspiration; my jots are incoherent. I am in Big Picture mode, scheduling out plans and noting deadlines set for a year from now.

I am content with showing up as scheduled, but also with walking away without posting as I turn out the proverbial light of my writing desk here. I am learning to accept unpublished drafts as perfect pieces of a whole instead of failure or a loss.

At any point, we can step out of our frozen selves and our ideas and begin fresh. -Natalie Goldberg

I am stepping out of my frozen self. For today.

I am a woman remembering, re-learning; a woman be-coming, a student of the stories written during the long-days of years-short. I am reacquainting my-self each morning at the mirror of my-self; noticing the projects-unfinished and lines across my face and knowing with absolute certainty: This is my time.

Time I have eagerly awaited — and yet I am holding tighter to Now and Then than my passions require for Next. It takes as long as it takes; but that doesn’t make the waiting any easier!

I am set to hit “publish” for this post at a later hour than I hoped — and in spite of mental eye rolls cued by Perfection — because I wholeheartedly embrace the value of vents and I dance wildly with Surrender!


these lines across my face  I am stargardener aka Teresa Robinson. I believe each day is a canvas awaiting the collage elements {we decide} have meaning — splashed with the authentic paint of our mind, will and emotions.

My canvases include elements from: Right Brain Planner, Secret Rebel Club as well as The Art Journaler and The Art Journaler Community — honored and attended according to my rhythms. ✩

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. -Cyril Connolly

9 thoughts on “vents and surrenders

    1. Wisdom indeed! I was able to see her at a book promotion event last Tuesday evening, and hearing her speak so many Truths was amazing!

      Surrendering is such a faceted process of self-discovery and empowering vulnerability.

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    1. Betsy, thank you for your affirmation and witness! ♥ Love that quoting Anne Lamott here proved to be a gentle reminder, a point at which you were redirected to what you know and already have.

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  1. I am a woman remembering, re-learning; a woman be-coming, a student of the stories written during the long-days of years-short. I am reacquainting my-self each morning at the mirror of my-self; noticing the projects-unfinished and lines across my face and knowing with absolute certainty: This is my time.

    I need these words today as I am proclaiming a month for myself, I need this, I need to re-learn how to care for myself. thank you.

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